Recently a friend and I were discussing open relationships and proposed the idea of one to me. My simple answer was ‘different strokes for different folks however, not a stroke for me’. Then I started thinking about it and realized I had a lot more ‘feels’ resulting in the below inner monologue.
My answer to that question:
“I mean, I don’t know an open relationship. It could be fun? Oh no, what am I thinking? What I really want is for someone to want me in a dramatic opera sort of way. The kind of person who is willing to frolic around for half the show in a costume that’s a little too tight in the crotch and a dagger to the shoulder. To know I’m lovable or likeable worth another person’s time at the end of the day. I’m really good at baking and I wear deodorant ok? I mean…on occasion I do. Isn’t that enough for other people? Besides all that I can be good at taking emotional photos of cats. My hugs are more than passable. Hey, I’ll spare you the details but how many more boobs does a person need when my middle name is ‘chesty’? I mean jeeze, I feel like I’m writing an add for myself. It’s nice to have someone echo that back to you sometimes. Someone that says, “HEY I SEE YOU. I RECOGNIZE YOUR COMMITMENT to taking emotional photos of cats and being just responsible enough to wear deodorant. HEY GIRL, HEY. You’re alright. Your hugs are good. You make good big and little spoon and your chesty? It’s the bestie. Also, I hear you on the whole STD thing. I wont fill you with AIDS or other terrible incurable diseases that make people cry at night. (insert herpes here)” It’s ok if you’re not that person- the one who recognizes I am a good person because sometimes I have the human decency to take a hot shower. I tell you what, I’m not opposed to an open relationship. I’ve had several with my hands, with my words, with my hugs…with my damn open door cuddle policy. And my darling, isn’t there nothing more naked than our words?’
The Life and Times of a Tea Fascist 